Linn: ewwww...he got laid? did he visit the doctor first and do something with his fuglu-ugly face?
Linn: hahaha...my dad, omg, how can I put it...they didn't even drive me to the dictors to have my ear checked, when it started hurting
Linn: hahaha, I would think that [well...erm certain fluids in] the eye would be worse...but hey, if you can't hit yourself in the looker, hit yourself in the licker
Linn: I love Norway, I personally wouldn't trade it for anything in the world, we have the best healthcare, schoolsystem and we have a lot of oil...soon Bush will attack us saying we have atom bombs XD
Linn: umm...dead can can dancer?
Linn: Hahhaha...I'm gonna go turn myself into an icecream...brb
Linn: whats that gotta do with God...is he like looking at me while i fornicate?
Linn: posted my glam and glitter collection...be sure to post by this hour and get a free bottle included in the posting!
Linn: We have the selection of Kiwi koko, Mango madness and Strawberry silk!
Linn: We are not lying, or paying any of these testemonials. They just simply want to tell their story to you!
Linn: After I started using this soap, i didn't smell like fungus anymore..it's fantastic!
Linn: and another one: When I used Mango Madness, I could feel the madness burn in my crotch, I now have no hair Thanks to Linn's hair and fungus removal soap in 3 different smells and tastes!
Linn: Not only can you wash yourself with it, you can also have it for dessert, put it in milkshakes or icecreams...either way, you'll love it!
Me: not sure about that after it took away hair
Linn: So what are you waiting for, TODAY 24 hour offer to anyone who buys Linn's hair & Fungus removal dessert soap...Get a lovely soap dispenser as well..Call now
Linn: Wanna hear about my other offer as well?
Me: YES! *scared*
Linn: Today Only, inflatable U2 dolls, play with them, take them to parties, either way, you'll have a good time!
Linn: Comes with: Bono, Larry, The Edge and Adam (caution Adam is for 18 and +) so call today and Order Inflatable U2
Me: FUXZ YEAH I'LL TAKE ALL 4
Linn: Also, if you call within 1 HOUR you will get not 2, BUT TWO sets of clothing for each member. Listen to these testemonials.
Linn: When I heard about the inflatable U2, i thought it was a scam, but after buying them, I feel so more relaxed, I have loads of energy left, I also like going to bed now that i share it with Bono, Larry Edge and Adam..I do really like adam!
Linn: When I got the inflatable U2's I thought this wouldn't work, but now I'm the center of attention at parties, It actually works!
Me: oh adam
Me: always a favorite with the ladies
Linn: So call now and get not 1, not 2, not 3, BUT 4 inflatable dolls for the low low insane price of 1000 dollars!
Linn: Caution: dolls may blow up, TVshop is not responsible for any person injuries.
Me: some people are just way too stupid to exist ahahahahahha
Linn: like who? you? me? random people on the street?
Linn: Ricky martin?
Me: that's you telling people they're a butt plug, isn't it
Linn: Yes XD
Me: ahahahahahaha sing mofo! you're so fond of saying it after all
Linn: haha not in the mood to sing mofo, only call you a mofo
Me: what i don't like about this guy is he's all about "so what are YOU doing right now?" so he can compare me to his kid and brag about how much "better" his kid is doing than i o_0
Linn: bitch about how youre gonna move away when you get money XD
Linn: to europe
Me: anyway i'm gonna probably keep my mouth shut, because i just CANNOT complain when i'm at cafe pesto ^_^
Linn: with a biker guy you meet over the internet
Me: on second thought...
Me: some european dude named lars ahahahahahahahaha
Linn: haha yeah, youre moving to SWEDEN to live with some dude named Lars Olsen..tee hee
Linn: he's a swedish masseuse
Me: you are giving me good ideas
Me: NO NO WAIT
Me: I AM GOING TO MOVE TO AMSTERDAM AND FIND A BOY TO GET HIGH AND MAKE BABIES WITH
Linn: haha, better
Linn: or..I'm going to amsterdam, and find A WOMAN to get high with and have babies together XD
Claud: they see me rolling
Claud: they hating :(
Claud: i hope to GOD i get graced with a hot neighbor
Me: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I HAVE WISHED THAT
Claud: its been a hope of mine every time i see that for sale sign
Me: it has never happened though :(
Claud: I'm like "I hope a dumb but smart hot guy lives there"
Me: dumb but smart
Me: BEST GUYS EVER.
Claud: dumb enough to be wooed by my sense of humor
Claud: wait i dunno
Claud: sometimes my taste is kinda smart
Claud: whatever, you know what i mean ahahahaha
Me: i'm not sure i do.
Me: please enlighten us.
Claud: SHADDUP ahahahahahahaha
Claud: one sec
Claud: lolz i typed sex
Me: NO WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT THAT AGAIN i mean
Claud: yeah that was gross
Claud: i can't believe he did that
Me: LMAO I SAID WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT IT AGAIN ermmmm i mean
Me: me neither really
Claud: ok we aren't talking about it!
Claud: ok i should finish my damn about section
Claud: lmao i typed sextion
Me: LMAO we can tell what's on YOUR mind!
Claud: its flowers!
Claud: orchids specifically
Me: you do realize...
Claud: i dunno
Claud: it could look food
Claud: i mean good
Me: ahahahha food
Claud: ahahaha i am hungry, i won't lie
Me: we can really tell what's on claud's mind
Claud: sex and food?
Claud: i'm ready to get the party started
Claud: i've got my booze
Claud: i've got dr dre playing
Me: YEAH WELL I HAVE NEITHER BOOZE NOR MUSIC PLAYING
Claud: and i've got wikipedia open because i'm gonna read about the byzantine empire now
Me: i can play AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Me: that's some party
Claud: plus my bother came in his new truck and was like "Come see!"
Me: ahahahahaha freudian typo XD
Claud: oh no i did it on purpose ahahahaha
Me: AHAHAHA even better
Claud: i'm gonna listen to sweatheart and pray for you
Claud: there is nothing wrong with that sentence
Claud: u kuje ut
Claud: ahahahahahaha omg
Claud: i like it
Claud: one key off, and it looks like i'm speaking dutch
Claud: my essay is on adolescents and the challenges they face
Claud: how appropriate if i'm on meds huh?
Claud: "teens hormones make em all depressed and such. ya know what i says? FUCKS TO THAT. woooooo prozac!"
Claud: i have come to the conclusion
Claud: that i like extremes
Claud: and by extremes
Claud: i mean i like really good, church going boys
Claud: or pretentious assholes
Claud: now, if i find a pretentious, church-going asshole...
Claud: i'm soooooooooo gonna marry him
Claud: omg sweet
Claud: i can hear al gore
Claud: lamest sentence ever?
Claud: angela.....i feel so hot tamale
Me: ARE YOU HIGH? hahahaha
Me: and earlier i almost typed ig twG instead of "oh yeah"
Me: the combination of water bill, nicky's lack of ass, and blowing justin timberlake. it is lethal to the brain, i tell you
Me: this can't be good
Me: i have barely started talking to god and i'm already being told:
I honestly think you should sit down, take a stress pill, and calmly think things over.
Me: swearing in other languages is one thing
Me: being generally crude, rude, gross, and uncouth without actually swearing
Me: that's what gets you friends
Claud: FUCK MY INTERNET
Me: okay *fucks claud's internet*
Claud: thats right!
Me: hmm...it was below average :/
Me: anyway it's like "god? god! hellooooo up there. y'know, if we were meant to procreate with those things, could you at least have made them a little more attractive? amen"
Me: lol that reminds me, i had a guy in my math class call me monica lewinsky that year
Claud: lol WHY
Me: i rly don't know
Me: he was half blind and thought i vaguely resembled her?
Me: i kind of wish i had been as sarky as i am now, i would have told him "psh, you only wish you could blow the president like me"
Me: james and nicky playing naked twister, i could get behind!!
Me: or you know, between
Me: and him "paying more attention to his friends"? is simply him going to work
Me: she said he doesn't even hang out with them anymore because of [his ex]
Me: also, i banged adam clayton
Me: i really can't believe they didn't prune that pubes topic
(A minute later...)
Me: LMAO i just realized what a horrible pun i made
Me: LMAO i guess i don't have beer goggles because i just looked at [a certain doll] and went "wtf?!?!?"
Me: i've never beeh THAT far gone XD
Me: erm, ben
Me: FUCK ahahahahahahahhaha
Me: it's like "ARE YOU ILLLITERATE?!?!"
Me: ahahahahahahaha probably would take the weirdass sex dreams over the real thing
Me: hmm...if i put a space in a certain place in that sentence...haha i need sleeeeeeep
Me: you shoulda seen what i almost did once
Me: something along the lines of HhHhHhHhHhHh
Me: you have ANGERED god by your sin
Me: but that's okay because i'll flash my titties at him, he'll feel better
Apparently I have issues with the word "serious"...
Me: but just because you and i happened to be "going out" at the time ARE YOUS EIRIROUSOUS?
Me: i srsly fucked that up
Me: *is listening to The Downtrodden Song by Denis Leary*
Me: EVERYTHING IS HORRIBLE
Me: REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY TERRIBLE
Me: BOO HOO
Claud: nice song title XD
Me: and after that
Me: *is listening to Everything is Alright by Four Tet*
Claud: that is awesome
Claud: thats like, so perfect XD
Me: my shuffle can't make up its miiiind ahahahaha
Me: Ooh. I wonder how much that bottle of painkillers I got for my wisdom teeth removal could have sold for. Actually, I don't wanna know because I didn't take that opportunity. Shit.
Claud: perfect timing
Me: ahahahahahahaha SRSLY
Me: LEARN FROM MY MISTAKES
Claud: yes mama
Me: my elisa edit looks wonky ahahaha
Me: i tried spacing out the eyes but then she looked like an alien
Me: no pun intended
Me: i may have taken sinead o'connor's name in vain. i'm not sure since i was a little tipsy from the leftover coconut rum
Me: if we could just get the family portraits off the wall? bad amateur porn filming!!!!
Me: i accidentally typed "pimportant" in my last sps post though
Me: warm wishes? more like 'merry crimmas, i hope you break your foot'
Me: oh fuck that. i want the sweet proper boy for a real relationship and the pretentious asshole for sidetaps
What half a bottle of Baileys does to me:
Me: OMG I WAS SO DRUNK I SENT MYSELF MMM BOP
Me: i don't know if you mean orgies with giants or orgies that are giant XD
Me: and im all hopped up on cold medsd so YAAAAAAAAAAAAY ahahhaha
Me: you know what i mean
Me: i don't know why but i all of a sudden feel like going on a porn shop cruise
Me: not that it would be any good, all the porn shops on this side of the island are basically the same thing over and over again
Me: not that i would know that from experience or anything 0:)
And this is why I failed:
Me: i actually went to driver's ed in a building where the upstairs was a porn shop XD
Me: oijjiwaefj;oijfaowiejfaojawerioj she wants me to go to bed tooooooooo
Me: oijjiwaefj;oijfaowiejfaojawerioj should be a new word XD
Me: if there is only one fan letter i will ever write it will be this:
Me: "dear mr. corbijn, i love you."
Me: ahahahahahaha i was juuuust telling my mom
Me: "you know...if productivity is a priority...people should really avoid me" XD
Me: hmmm you know...he really would blow himself but only for convenience and lack of women XD
Me: a whole shitloaf of people o_0
Me: blue goose? check. pimp juice? check. tequila shot? check. attempt at blue goose that ended up more brown? check. another pimp juice? "leave me alone, i wanna go sleep"
Me: ahahahahaha i'm bitching about nobody loving me and i just won a contest XD
Me: ahahahaha i love how the chat just died after i claimed i was funnier than all y'all
Me: hahaha you should add "eminem is da bomb" to your sn
Me: that's bound to piss just about anyone off
Me: it took me FOREVER to get that dog's name right though
Me: for a while i was calling him "chingchangchong" because ONE of them had to be right XD
Me: hahaha i wanna put steve jobs in the kiss or diss game
Me: oh sure...oh right...my dad starts listening to me when i say "cannabis"
Me: okay so yeah. you have probably figured out that i take matters into my own hands
Claud: i cant because i feel like thats a private thing you know?
Claud: yeah see, i dont
Claud: i don't get how that would work
Claud: like i mean
Claud: thats some crazy matter
Me: just trust me, it does work...........ahahahahahahahahahaha
Me: and i'll leave it at that ahahahahahaha
Claud: i feel like there should be some field guide or something
Claud: because i mean, i dunno
Claud: i'm sure i'm turning super red right now
Me: I SO AM
Claud: but i mean
Claud: at least its safe
Claud: its so funny
Claud: this one girl was like "everyone does it!"
Claud: and i'm like "ummm...not me..." ahahahahahaha
Me: i was the one in my group of friends like "everyone does it!"
Me: i mean come on
Me: why do you think i'm still single? XD XD XD XD XD XD
Claud: OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD
Me: I'M THE BEST I EVER HAD
Claud: I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE YOU
Me: okay no i'm not BUT STILL AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Me: I LOVE MYSELF!
Claud: i'm convinced